We are programmed to flee from uncomfortable emotions and chase after pleasant ones.
Avoid the "low" and seek the "high."
That's why, when we feel bad, a TV series, social media, a drink, or a vice are a "band-aid" that helps us avoid facing what we're feeling.
We don't really know how to do it.
Since childhood, we have not been taught that "running away" and evasion do not make the emotions that "contract" us and make us feel bad disappear: shame, guilt, sadness, anger, apathy, frustration, pride.
We start accumulating them from a very early age because we don't know how to manage them, we don't know what to do with them when they arise, not to mention that voice that tells us "no one can know that you feel bad," or that what we are feeling implies weakness.
After years, these issues come to a head and depression, illness, and emotional crises set in, because even though we didn't want to—or couldn't—see them, they never went away.
How do we deal with these emotions? How do we stop accumulating them?
When uncomfortable emotions arise, if instead of focusing on our thoughts—which tell us the story behind what we are feeling—we turn to our body, we will realize that there is a physical sensation accompanying the emotion.
There is energy moving or being suppressed.
Once we focus our attention on the body, if we "welcome" that sensation, we will realize that the accumulated energy begins to disperse.
Just acknowledging the feeling/emotion without resistance gives it the space to run its course and leave.
This is where the famous "letting go" comes from. Not from avoidance. Not from keeping busy so you don't think about it. Not from "giving it time."
When we welcome what we feel, ask ourselves the questions:
- Can I let him go?
- Do I want to let him go?
Even if the answer is "no," that feeling is already dissipating. And if it generates resistance, we can do the same with it. "Can I let go of the resistance?"
A book that explains this in detail and in all areas is "The Sedona Method" by Hale Dwoskin.
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